It is odd that such an English institution should bear a French tag: the curious may wonder why fete and not our equivalent feast? Perhaps because at the fete there is not necessarily a feast, though some like Gloucestershire’s Cranham Feast and the Kingsteignton Ram Roast are focused on just such activities. Maybe the rather posher sounding French term appeals more to the type of intimidating ladies who inevitably organise such dos.
P.G. Wodehouse ’s Lord Emsworth rightly lived in perpetual fear of having to open such occasions, that being a thankless and surely pointless task. The top hat he dreaded being forced to wear is no longer to be seen; but brightly-buttoned blazers, some with sudden stripes, appear mysteriously for the day only; and garden-party hats are much in evidence.
A proper village fete should have certain key features including a beer tent or a pub adjacent to the green on which it is held; the selection, gossiped about for a month afterwards, of a beauty queen or bouncing baby (our Glynnis is far prettier); a Vicar with tombstone front teeth smiling through the pain; bobbing for apples or some other game where children can get soaked and/or dishevelled; a tombola; flower- and produce-stalls where you will find the world’s best lemon curd; and at least one torrential downpour. They should be supported whole-heartedly or civilisation is doomed.
More British Institutions
Afternoon Tea
Allotments
April Fools Day
Big Ben
Binge Drinking
Black Cabs
Bonfire Night
British Sense of Humour
Brown Windsor Soup
Burns Night
Cadburys
Castles
Changing the Guard
City of London
Coronation Street
Cowes Week
Cricket
Crufts
Dad’s Army
E-Type Jag
Eccentricity
English Country Garden
Fish and Chips
Fish Fingers
Fox Hunting
Full English Breakfast
Gin and Tonic
Glastonbury
Glorious Goodwood
Grand National
Grouse Shooting
Harrods
Highland Games
Hogmanay
James Bond
John Bull
King Arthur
Land Rover
Lloyds of London
London to Brighton Veteran Car Rally
Marks and Spencer
Monty Python
Morecambe and Wise
Old School Tie
Oxbridge
Panto
Picnics
Pimms
Point-to-Point
Punch and Judy
Queueing
Real Ale
Red Arrows
Red Telephone Boxes
Remembrance Poppies
Robin Hood
Rolls Royce
Royal Ascot
Royal Edinburgh Military Tattoo
Savile Row Suits
School Discos
School Sports Day
Seaside Piers
Speakers’ Corner
Stag Nights
Stiff Upper Lip
Strawberries and Cream
Street Markets
Summer Festivals
Sunday Roasts
The Archers
The BBC
The Beano
The Boat Race
The Brass Band
The British Bobby
The Bulldog
The Church of England
The Cup Final
The Curry House
The English Rose
The Garden Shed
The Honours System
The Kilt
The Last Night at the Proms
The London Bus
The Mini
The National Trust
The NHS
The Oak
The Pub
The Queen’s Speech
The Rolling Stones
The Royal Christmas Message
The Spitfire
The V Sign
The Village Fete
The Weather
Travelling Fairs
Trooping the Colour
Village Greens
Wedgwood
Wellington Boots
Wimbledon
Wine Gums
Yeomen of the Guard
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